Reply to Has anyone had an affair with someone who turned out to be a better partner for them.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Reluctant to use the word soulmate here but both of us came together in the strangest most unplanned in predictable way. 
Both currently in sexless- unaffectionate marriages with young kids which is what makes divorce difficult. 
Since meeting we've have a series of strange coincidences which are hard to ignore (like signs which I never believed in)
We've connected on so many levels and it is making us question everything in our lives. 
Has this happened to others who have had affairs? 
How did it turn out. 
This is not just sex. We see each other almost every day and talk all the time. 
It just seems like we are such better matches for each other than our spouses. [/quote]

Your post has several responses from people making several assumptions of facts that you have not mentioned in your post...

Not all affairs are the same... Not all people are the same.  Not all marriages are the same...

My AP and I have tried to make our respective marriages "WORK" for several years before we even considered getting involved in an affair.
We have both been in a sexless and in a affectionless marriage for over 10 years.
We have both prayed for help with our marriage.
We both have kids that we love.

My AP and I have been seeing each other for over 2 years.  
My AP and I have become each other's closest friend.  We talk every day... several times a day.  If we have news.. we usually share it with each other before anyone else.
We connect very well with each other and understand each other's strengths and weaknesses better than our respective spouses do...  
We are both not naïve kids.  We have tried our best to examine our affair objectively....  
I do not know enough about "SoulMates" to say that my AP is my "SoulMate".   I just know that my AP is my best friend and she provides the constructive support that helps me be a better person.

We do not hate our respective spouses because they are not bad people.  They are just not the right spouse for us.

We want to be with each other.. but how do you efficiently end two marriages to be together while minimizing how much everyone will be hurt.

[/quote]

If your marriage was so unhappy, why were you still in it when you met AP?   Same for him? And can't you see that there was no way for your marriage to improve once you embarked upon an affair?[/quote]

I stayed with my DW because of the kids.  My marriage had become a roommate/coparent relationship before my AP became involve in an affair.  I suggested counselling and my DW was not interested.   Everything is also my fault.  I believe my DW is suffering from depression, but she will not get help.  Whenever we have a discussion about our relationship... My DW lays out requirements that she expects from me.. And over time.. I make progress towards resolving them..  But she never makes an effort towards the areas I am concerned about.  I realize that having an affair complicates the situation... But other than my kids...the last 2 years with her have been the great... Even though we do not get to spend that much time together.  Having a close friend to talk with.. To share with... It is what we both have been missing.

From the outside... It must seem very easy to say that I have not tried to work on my marriage.  But I have and I need to be careful not to provide too much detail that friends may be able to figure out who I am...[/quote]

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