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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]IDK, to me RUDE is talking back, attitude, etc.  Your DD seems socially shy, but I don't know her, you do.  I'd work on coaching her at home, 10 is pretty easily remedied, IMO[/quote]

See, I would disagree, kids that don't talk to me are rude.  If I ask a question and you don't answer, that is rude.  A kid that isn't a robot following adult commands isn't rude, he/she is just exploring their world.

[/quote]

See, I would disagree.  You're just difficult.  [/quote]

NP. Your're both right, IMO. Obviously backtalk and bad attitude are rude, but so are many behaviors the OP's child is described as exhibiting. Ignoring someone who is speaking to you is usually rude. So is making faces, giving the stink eye or rolling your eyes. So is not using please and thank you. In American culture so is not making an effort to make appropriate eye contact.

I have a child with social anxiety and a neurological disorder that impacts her vision such that she has serious difficulties with eye contact and recognizing faces. I know it can be challenging for a lot of people to learn these pieces of what is socially expected/accepted as polite behavior. But just because it is a challenge to master appropriate social behavior does not mean that failing to make a good faith attempt to do so is not perceived as rude. It might not even be intentional rudeness on the child's part, but frankly that does not matter. We all have to do things that are hard for us, and even a child who finds social interactions challenging, draining, or frightening needs to master the basics to the fullest extent possible.

OP's child is still young, and she behaves politely at home. So clearly the girl is making an effort to behave well and she is being raised by a caring parent who thinks manners and social skills are important. She just might just need some more coaching. I would work with her on role-playing, at a minimum.

Some other ideas for how to address.... Possibly decrease the amount of socializing she does without me or another adult she is very comfortable with also being present to guide her interactions. If you think it's more defiance or forgetfulness than anxiety, and you're close to the parents of the girls she was socializing with, I would consider explicitly granting them permission to call her on slip-ups. Books about social skills and manners? Cotillion type classes for confidence?

If none of the above, including the role playing and adult supervision is working, I would consider the somewhat drastic step of going beyond role playing and actually scripting a few of the most commonly required polite interactions for her. Alternatively if you think this is defiance of rules she knows and is capable of following and not anxiety or lack of understanding social requirements, I would see denying her permission for subsequent outings with these same friends/parents as a possible logical consequence for rudeness.[/quote]

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