Reply to Popcorn Problem: how could this have been handled better?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm so sorry, OP. That's a super hurtful thing for her to say.

Here's the thing. I'm a single mom of a toddler, and I often get a lot of, "wow, how do you do it" responses from folks when I relate that info. I always smile and say something innocuous like, "how does anyone do it? Wow, your kid's cute too!", or something like that. But the truth is that compared to lots (not all, but most) of my married friends, my life is easier. Not logistically, and not time-wise. But conflict-wise. I clean up after myself and my toddler, that's it. I shop for the two of us, I make decisions that go unquestioned, I clean the house and it stays that way until I mess it up again. To hear most of my friends talk, their days are a never-ending treadmill of cleaning, working, child-rearing, then retreating to a bedroom where the partner who usually hasn't done the lion's share of those things is all, "so, we gonna have sex?"

Honestly, I don't mind sleeping alone at this point in my life because caring for the physical and emotional needs of anyone besides myself and my child right now seems almost impossible. And marriage, from what I can tell, absolutely requires attention to those issues. Combine the grind of the early childhood years with that need and you've got two very contrasting forces.

From what I can tell, folks that make through these early years and take the time to work on the marriage when it starts to break down will do well. By the time those kids are in school, you may have time for each other. But you have to make it until then.

Some giant bee flew in your DW's bonnet and that's where that comment came from. Completely out of line, but not the biggest issue here. Maybe she feels like one of my friends who does almost everything in the house and works full time as well. When we go to parties they all look like happy couples but the ones who confide in me tell me a very different story about how things are on the inside. I'm privately rooting for most of them and hope they make it through, but it will take work. Talk to her about what work you guys need to do. I wish you the best.[/quote]

Living apart from DH now due to work (we both have great jobs on separate coasts) and it is soooooo nice to get a glimmer of what your life is like full time!  If it wasn't for the weekends that he comes to visit, makes a huge mess, undermines my rules/schedules with the kids and talks non-stop about how tired HE is, I might actually be able to enjoy the short time we spend together.[/quote]

If you are happy to fantasize about the life of a single mom, then live it. [/quote]

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