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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm an older experienced male that has never figured out the abuse pattern thing.  I have taken a position on it though.

Long story made short.
A BF had his live-in GF in the front yard at 2 am.  Had her by the hair with a .45 magnum pointed at her head threatening to kill you &quot;bitch&quot; blah blah blah .   
I heard this thru my window, ran outside nude other than underwear.  Was fresh out of the military with combat experience with a LOT of gun experience.  Grabbed my gun and ran up to within perhaps 30 ft where I could pick him off.  Told him to freeze or I'd kill him.  I didn't have to kill him, but many times since thought perhaps I should have.  I took her to a female friends house till the cops arrived.  She left her BF for maybe a wk.  Moved back in with him.  That's when my attitude completely changed.

Another incident.
Walking out of upper end Country Club Restaurant next night after my wife and I were married.  A couple were arguing in parking lot.  He had her arm twisted behind her back crying.  We walked right by.  My wife and I haven't spoken about it all these years.  I think she lost a little respect for me.  I OTOH was so demoralized from the first incident, that I just couldn't stomach getting involved knowing it would do no good in the long run.  Knowing that the woman chose him and will likely continue to choose him.

I'm sorry ladies.  I just can't get involved anymore to protect you and put myself at risk knowing it will do no good.  I'm really really sorry.  I do feel bad about it.

OTOH, if you're a woman that's being attacked by a stranger, then I will risk everything including my life to protect you, under any circumstance at all.  I will be the first man in the parking lot to jump all over his shit.[/quote]

Of course. All women are exactly the same, and no battered wives or girlfriends ever leave their abusers. Intervention will do no good in the long run. Right.

Please spare me your extremely patronizing, not to mention ill informed, sympathy. You walked by a woman being abused because a completely different woman returned to her abuser after you intervened. Your wife should have lost respect for you. You are certainly under no obligation to intervene, but refusing to intervene because &quot;it would do no good in the long run&quot; is bullshit. I could present you twice as many examples in which intervention made a difference, but you already know that all women make the same bad choices, so why should I bother?[/quote]

I'm the poster that made the original statement.

It's not at all because I believe all situations are the same.  Not because I don't think a small percentage of women will leave the abuser.  I'm informed about the cycle of violence and the abused being brain washed.  Aware that low self esteem women don't see an option.  I get all that and more.

My decision not to intervene is based on my emotional health.  I put my life on the line thinking at the moment I could have been sent to prison protecting that woman.  If there was a way for me to determine which victim would actually benefit from my help, then I'd do it.  If the odds are small that my intervention would help, then emotionally I just can't do it.  [b]I realize there are women that can not function without being abused. [/b] My decision wasn't a conscience one, but instead one that my emotions made for me.  I was ready to kill that young man.  Later learning it was all for nothing.  Again I'm sorry,  I don't know that I can ever do it again.[/quote]

You intervened the first time because you wanted to feel like a white knight of some kind. You wanted to feel righteous and just. You were then disappointed when your righteousness did not have the effect you hoped.

I don't know you, PP. You've certainly said some things I find fairly appalling. But I will tell you this: what happened later does not tarnish your intervention or the righteousness and desire to protect a person from violence. Those things came from a good place.

Put another way: I know that sometimes, when I give a dollar to a person holding a sign that says &quot;hungry, please help&quot; that sometimes my dollar is going to something other than food. That does not change my desire to help feed someone who is hungry. Compassion and kindness is still important.

The response you describe &quot;desire to be compassionate and righteous -&gt; intervention -&gt; disillusionment with the ineffectiveness of intervention -&gt; refusal to ever intervene again&quot; is the hardening of a heart.

Reconsider, or at least keep your mind open, by reminding yourself that not all women return to their abusers.[/quote]

Um, what?? You sound like a tool, certainly not anyone's "savior."[/quote]

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