Reply to Need to know if I'm expecting too much, tell me what makes your DH a "Great DH" and "Great Father"?

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Reply to "Need to know if I'm expecting too much, tell me what makes your DH a "Great DH" and "Great Father"?"

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[quote=Anonymous]TBH, I think this whole question is misframed.  I am a DW, but I am always suspicious of these kinds of threads.  I am not talking about the "great husband" part.  As PP's have said, these are two different issues and linking them is not always constructive.  But my point is that having the DW (or mother) define and asking a bunch of other mothers what constitutes a "great father" approaches the issue the wrong way.  OP has her idea of what a great father is and she is just rounding up support for her position.  It is not constructive for her own marriage.  What is she going to say to him “25 mothers on DCUM said that changing the same amount of diapers is being a great father?” LOL The answers (especially among young mothers) are predictable -  he changes diapers, plays with the kids, gets up at night.  Ok that's fine, but not EVERY great father does these things and not every father who does these things is a great father. Equal partners can do different things.

Relationships are unique and evolve over time and so does parenthood.  My DH of 21 years is a great father and always has been.  Yet, I changed most of the diapers and fixed bottles when my kids were of that age.  But I did not base his “greatness” on whether he did the same things that I did equally.  As PP said, we are a team and a lot of things go into having a smoothly running household and raising healthy children. I have roles that have evolved in our house and so does he.  Example, I do most of the cooking in the house.  Yet, I have never attended a BTS night or taken the dog to the vet because DH does it.  He does not wash clothes.  Yet, he is responsible for the morning routine and school drop offs.  75% of the time he is the one checking homework and helping with projects. He is the one taking the boys to get haircuts, buy clothes and shoes and to practice their various sports.  My point is that a “great father” is not determined by him doing things that a “great mother” would do.  Many fathers have unique roles and, many times, mothers get into this judging by comparison thing.  It is never helpful and in fact may hinder the evolution of the parental roles in a household.

OP, why don’t you sit down with DH and ask him what HE thinks a great father and a great mother is.  His answers might shed some light on your situation.
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