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[quote=Anonymous]I have inlaws with some very similar dynamics.  Here is some of what has helped us:

- try to disengage the mindset that you're in a battle with them 
- your husband handles the primary conversations with them (it's great that you're both on the same page, but they are HIS parents and won't find it as easy to engage in an adversarial mindset with him)
- tell and use the truth.  "You know, w/ a toddler and an infant our lives are pretty dictated by what works for them right now - which is soft surfaces, playgrounds, a fairly fixed schedule, and a ton of extra gear.  So coming to you is going to be tough for a while.  I know that spending your time at playgrounds may not be the most exciting thing for you either.  Maybe we can plan a family weekend together with a mix of things for everyone to enjoy?"
- separately, in a non tense moment, ask your mother in law how much travelling she did with her kids when they were babies.  THis conversation REALLY made my MIL think about some of the expectations she had of us, versus what her reality was way back in the day.
- remember that they are older and they have blissfully forgotten what it's like to be in the weeds of caring for small kids.
- ask them to babysit both kids for a couple of hours - then see how eager they are to have you in their house for an extended period.

Mostly though, have your husband do the heavy lifting.  Invite/include them as much as possible when it makes sense for you.  Frame your "no's" in terms of the needs of the kids, not the absurdity of their request. Etc...

Good luck!

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