Reply to Help me with this realtionship -- sister always asking for money and angry if I say no

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Reply to "Help me with this realtionship -- sister always asking for money and angry if I say no"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Two weeks into my marriage, I found my ILs do the same to DH that your sister does to you - "borrow" money for unnecessary spending. So now all of their money requests have to come to me for approval before DH can say yes. Guess what? They've stopped asking and still
seem to manage anyway. We've set up an emergency account for quick transfer in case there ever is a real emergency and only the IL without the shopping problem has access to it.[/quote]

+1 to this and everything else everyone has said.  I've "loaned" one sister several thousand dollars help her get out of debt with one set of creditors that had taken her to court. I never saw a penny back, not even a good faith attempt to repay any of the money.  Since then, I never have the money to lend if asked. With phone calls I sometimes let it go to voicemail and call back. I make sure when I take the call or return a call it is at a convenient time should I get upset.  One sister has mental issues, the other is growing up but was very immature/the world owes me x.  I won't take their calls at work when I have to focus on my job or right before I go to sleep when husband is already asleep when I end up stewing with no one to calm me down/be the voice of reason.

Funny thing, since I never have any money to loan, I am no longer asked and sister has managed to figure out something even with many periods of unemployment.  I realized that short of being willing to support my sister as a parent would do a child, which by the way would not be a healthy relationship for anyone, no amount of money would ever be enough.  The $5000 did nothing to get my sister on the right track.  Even more than never seeing the money repaid, I was upset that it didn't make a difference.  The underlying reasons why sister constantly loses jobs and goes from normal to can't reason with her is still there and until she is willing to address those things with a professional and commit to keeping it in check, she will always have challenges.  There was one day I thought she could end up homeless if this keeps up once my parents pass away.  However,  I realize you can't save someone that isn't willing to save themselves ...all you do is end up in therapy and/or damaging the relationship with husband, kids etc in the process.[/quote]

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