Reply to Advice- DD now dating girl, other mom freaked out

Forum Index » Elementary School-Aged Kids

Reply to "Advice- DD now dating girl, other mom freaked out"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Lots of good feedback which I appreciate. The mom is definitely opposed to the same sex relationship. She said she doesn't want her daughter to "burn in hell for eternity". It isn't that the girl can't date; it is that it is another girl. My concerns really are about my daughter losing her best friend. They have been friends for just one year. My DD doesn't make a lot of friends and I worry about what happens when/if the relationship goes south.

My DD also has not said she is gay, but said this "feels different" than any other crush. That isn't my concern, either. I'm not sure how to parent a relationship like this. I want to protect her feelings regardless of it being a boy or girl. But since it is her only real friend, I'm exponentially worried about her feelings.

I also understand that I can't change the mom's beliefs. My goal in talking to her is to salvage their friendship, allowing contact again, and reassuring her as to what the supervision will be if the daughter is allowed to come over. Ultimately it is the mom's decision and I will respect that. But, other than saying no sleepovers and no closed doors, I'm not prepared to treat this like a traditional boy/girl dating situation. She needs to hear that from me and make her decision based on what is best for her daughter. [/quote]

[b]There's something going on here that has nothing with the relationship and thats your worry over "what happens" because your DD doesn't make a lot of friends.[/b] I've been there with my DD and I get it. [b]You are worried about depression, isolation and these are significant concerns. The answer isn't this relationship specifically, its relationships in general. You are trying to control things so your DD doesn't tank emotionally and you just can't do it. You can't let your fear of her isolation direct how you react to this and you can't get over involved in her friendships. What you can do is get her therapy so that she can learn these tools herself. You need a professional to step in so you can step out. The stakes feel very high for you and thats not a healthy situation for you and it reflects an unhealthy situation for her.[/b]

As to the particular relationship, I'm laughing at all the posters' hangups. All this fixation on whether or not she's "really" gay. Who cares? She's in a same-sex relationship right now. It isn't going to end just because the other crazy mom is trying her best to make it end. She can't turn off her daughter's feelings and she can't control her 24-7.  This makes for a very combustible situation. The other girl will most likely push her mother away and act out in defiance. I can't blame her. This is why its important for you to keep lines of communication open with your own DD. You can't do this if you are over-invested in this relationship, if you are too worried about what "might happen" if they break up. So, again, therapy for your DD and maybe for you if your worry about her is too stressful. Tell her you support her and your home will be a haven for her and her friend (yes, if it were me I would defy the other mother but do so knowing it could cause future problems). And then just be there.

I wouldn't do lunch with her. No good will come of it, she won't listen. Stay back unless the other mom does something directly to your DD. You should have her back.[/quote]

+1000  This is the real problem.  Your daughter is on the verge of ruining a good friendship because of a likely "girl crush" that should never be consummated.[/quote]

[b]I am PP and you completely and totally misunderstand what i wrote. This is not just a girl crush, this is a relationship. Both girls told their parents at the same time. I don't know what you mean by "consummated" but there is nothing wrong with this relationship and OP should not try to stop.

What i was writing was about OP, not OP's DD. My concern was OP's worrying about her DD in general. Although you wrote +1000 I completely disagree with what you wrote.[/b][/quote]

Nope, you are wrong.  I did not misunderstand what you wrote.

I reiterate that the problem seems to be that the OP's daughter is likely trying to consummate a "girl crush" which her daughter probably assumes to be a lesbian relationship. And more importantly, if  the other girl views it as "strictly sexual experimentation only," and not a lesbian relationship, then the OP's daughter could be ruining a good friendship.

I did not agree with every thing you wrote; only with your suggestion that the OP should focus on getting therapy for her daughter in light of potential problems with "depression and isolation" due to not having a lot of friends.   So, you misunderstand.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics