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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm not sure why you see it as a "problem" not to be close?  Like many of the PPs, I'm respectful and kind to my in-laws, but I don't really have much in common with them beyond the superficial.  I see it as my responsibility to facilitate my husband's and children's relationships with them to the extent my husband wants those relationships (and puts in effort himself), but I don't feel any particular desire to have a closer relationship with my ILs myself.  I don't see that as a problem.  [/quote]

Well said.  I think I lucked out with my ILs, comparatively speaking, but they are not my parents or my friends.  We're nice to each other, but I don't confide; I'm happy enough to see them but I don't miss them when they're gone.  I am satisfied with the level of intimacy we have.

Unfortunately, MIL is a bit disappointed (to her credit, she tries not a show it).  She wanted a surrogate daughter, she wants to have dinner together every week, etc.  A lot of it is just that our families and expectations are different: MIL calls each of her several sisters every day, while  I grew up in the same town as both of my grandmothers and half of my aunts, and we often only visited at Christmas and 4th of July.

[quote]I do more for my in-laws than my husband does for his. I hate how blame is always placed on the wife. My husband has never called his MIL, does not buy her birthday/Christmas/Mother's Day presents, does not send her emails about the kids, does not go out and do things with just her when she visits. He doesn't do any of that for my dad either. I'm fine with this. But why does society think it is my job and duty as a DIL to do those things for MIL. Is my husband, as a man, incapable of doing these things? Maybe MIL's should stop blaming their DIL's and think about how they could have better raised their son to communicate and be thoughtful.[/quote]

This is the other part of it.  I have pestered DH to call his parents; I set up dinners together; I buy birthday and holiday cards and all but forge DH's signature to get them out the door.  I do blame/resent MIL for not raising her son to behave properly toward his parents.  ILs' feelings are hurt by DH's lapses, though, which moves me to do the bare minimum.[/quote]

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