Reply to Desperately lonely with my excellent house-husband

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[quote=Anonymous]Get a sitter, make a 'date night', make a counseling appointment for a few days later and then lay it out at a time/place that he cannot avoid you. Tell him calmly that he is avoiding all forms of intimacy with you: emotional, physical, even basic companionship and he is filling his time with 'household' tasks in order to justify this, and that it is totally  unacceptable and you are seriously considering separation.  Tell him that if he does in fact want to remain married, he will go to counseling with you. His blowing up at your feelings of loneliness is real emotional violence. Not every need can/should get met by one's primary partner, but marriage implies maintaing the basic needs: companionship, sex, and mutual respect. Doesn't sound like you have any of that. Each time he brings up how much he does for the household, respond "I want you to do less and be with me more. I have consistently asked for companionship, love, sex and conversation and you have rejected me consistently.. Not laundry, dishes, gourmet meals and lunches packed. Those are nice, but they are not the basis on which a marriage is founded."

I have to say that I do not think this will accomplish much, unless he is truly willing to do serious therapy. Both his history and your mutual history suggest his capacity for connection is limited in some profound way, and that he's unable to sustain it for long periods. You might, in the end, be happier with a co-parenting relationship--at which he might be excellent and trustworthy. Obviously YOU are not there yet, but he might already be gone. [/quote]

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