Reply to Desperately lonely with my excellent house-husband

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
When my wife turns into supermom and away from being my wife and sexual partner, I do speak up very clearly.  It is not easy - trust me, it can lead to tears - but if I don't I know our marriage will end or I will cheat.  I usually explain it this way (condensed version):  I want to have a good healthy sex life. [b] DW is my only approved sexual outlet.[/b]  If she isn't going to be my sexual partner, then I will be miserable or I will ask to see another sexual partner.
[/quote]

The bolded part isn't untrue, but I hope you have a little tact when expressing this sentiment to your spouse. If she's already not feeling sexy, being told you want to have sex with her because you're not allowed to have sex with anyone else is going to make the problem that much worse. Most people want their spouse to want them in particular. [/quote]

It is inartfully worded, but the point is true - sex is a need just like any other need.  I suppose you could be technically correct that we can live without sex, so it's not a real need like food and water.  Technically, you could also lock someone in solitary confinement and they would live a long time with food and water, but the quality of life would not be worth living.  I don't think there is anything wrong with saying that I need to have sex to make life worthwhile and I want that sex to be with you, but if it can't be, then I want it with someone else.[/quote]

I was perhaps unclear -- I'm not one of those "sex isn't a real need" people.  The problem is implying to your spouse that the only reason you want sex *with her* is because you're required to use her as your exclusive sexual outlet. Even if that's technically true, your marriage and sex is going to be better if you can convey to her the notion that even if you were completely free to go elsewhere, you'd still want to have sex with her and not anyone else. [/quote]

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