Reply to i hate my DH at the in-laws house

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op again - now that I have a minute... DH drifts into a very negative cycle - starts talking about how bad out kids are (3 and 5) out loud, I front of them. Mostly picking on the 3 yr old. 3 yr old is not the best human on the planet, but he's pretty average for 3. DH does it bc ILs aren't around kids and they get flustered and ask - out loud - what's wrong with our kids. They like the kids best immobile and zombied in front of tv (then they go on and on about how they wish we'd leave them here for a week). DH will be negative about DC - damn those free museums; they stink. Etc. All this stuff that just isn't true. Just lots of negativity. And snark ones towards me - to his mom "mom, DW can't possibly eat at that restaurant. It's a chain. She's sooo snobby." (This when I vetoed mcdonalds bc we ate it for lunch the last two days in a row) all the non-stop negativity really pushes my buttons.[/quote]

And he's not like this AT ALL at home???

So bizarre![/quote]

I have seen this before. Honestly -- lots of Asian men I know are like this at "home" and I've seen it first hand as well. I doubt it's limited to Asians and probably includes all sons who are trying to put on a certain "image" for their parents. For example -- their parents mis remember toddlers/pre schoolers as angels who speak when spoken to and otherwise just sit quietly; then when the grandparents get a little antsy at the grandkids being loud/energetic -- DH will say "I know -- their behavior is terrible" with an undertone that it's not how HE would raise kids, it's what the wife is allowing. If the parents think all moms should be SAHMs -- DH will say "I know -- I don't want her to work, it makes our family life so much harder but she won't quit," even when they privately agree with the wife that working or not is her choice. Criticism of DC isn't shocking either; it's their way of saying "oh believe me mom, I'd live here in Des Moines if I could, DC sucks but it's where my job is so what can I do" -- even in cases where the reality is that they are choosing NOT to be in Des Moines.

Sorry to say it but this kind of behavior won't change. You can lecture him or yell or whatever at home, and he will even get on the same page with you at home and agree that the kids are well behaved and DC is the best choice for the family or whatever, but I've seen too many men -- who when they get around their parents -- forget all that bc they are people pleasing. Easiest way is to not go sometimes, if that would be "allowable" without major fighting between you and DH.[/quote]

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