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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thank you all for the many responses and different suggestions.

With the exception of a few, the advice was reasonable and I will heed it.

I did apologize to my father for throwing out the dirty dish rags and sponges. I told him I was trying to be helpful. He told me he wasn't upset at all that they got thrown out, but only that he felt badly that my husband and I were spending too much money on him. My father is a traditional man from the old culture and is uncomfortable having his children take care of him in any way.

I did reassure my father I would never, ever touch any of my mother's belonging without his permission and I never have. He said he had no attachment at all to the rags or sponges or pot holders though.

I want to add though, I am quite shocked at some of the more cold hearted perspectives of some PP's. Grief is a process and my father is in the throes of early stage grieving. It has only been five weeks since he lost the love of his life of 50 yrs. Our family home is large and was once filled with a large family. My mother was the hub of all family life. The house does feel empty without her and many, many visitors have commented on this also. My father doesn't want to move into a smaller home because his children are grown but still visit him regularly with his grandchildren. He will become more accustomed to living alone in due time.

As far as driving 300 miles every weekend goes, yes it is a challenge for my family. But I have the support of my husband and children, who always loved visiting my parents' home. I was never intending to make our weekend trips indefinite. As time went on and he was coping better, I expect our visits would be less frequent.

I'm simply doing what I hope my own children would for me if I am ever in his position. [/quote]

Your mother passed away only 5 weeks ago? First of all, my sympathies. Second, your father is a brave, strong man just for having the fortitude to get up every morning and get through the day in a functional manner. I don't know that I'd be able to tell left from right if I were in his shoes, especially considering that they were married for such a long time and he was her primary caregiver for SEVEN years.

That said, I don't want to make the mistake of practicing armchair psychology, but I'd gently encourage your father to consider seeing a grief counsellor or to join a bereavement self-help group, if I were you. He did not only lose his partner of a lifetime and the love of his life - he went through the grind of being her primary caregiver as well. People who undergo that much strain NEED professional help. Depression and even suicide after the death of a loved one following a prolonged illness are not uncommon.

I don't want to scare you, just put out a suggestion. You come across as a very good daughter. Please look out for your father in this regard as well. [/quote]

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