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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thank you all for the many responses and different suggestions.

With the exception of a few, the advice was reasonable and I will heed it.

I did apologize to my father for throwing out the dirty dish rags and sponges. I told him I was trying to be helpful. He told me he wasn't upset at all that they got thrown out, but only that he felt badly that my husband and I were spending too much money on him. [b]My father is a traditional man from the old culture and is uncomfortable having his children take care of him in any way. 
[/b]
I did reassure my father I would never, ever touch any of my mother's belonging without his permission and I never have. He said he had no attachment at all to the rags or sponges or pot holders though.

I want to add though, I am quite shocked at some of the more cold hearted perspectives of some PP's. Grief is a process and my father is in the throes of early stage grieving. It has only been five weeks since he lost the love of his life of 50 yrs. Our family home is large and was once filled with a large family. My mother was the hub of all family life. The house does feel empty without her and many, many visitors have commented on this also. My father doesn't want to move into a smaller home because his children are grown but still visit him regularly with his grandchildren. He will become more accustomed to living alone in due time.

As far as driving 300 miles every weekend goes, yes it is a challenge for my family. But I have the support of my husband and children, who always loved visiting my parents' home. I was never intending to make our weekend trips indefinite. As time went on and he was coping better, I expect our visits would be less frequent.

I'm simply doing what I hope my own children would for me if I am ever in his position. [/quote]

If I were in your shoes, I'd tell him something along these lines: "Dad, life is like a wheel. You took care of me and Sis when we were kids, you comforted us when we were sad or hurt, you provided for us. Now it's our turn, and our privilege, to give back some of what you've so generously given us. I realize this may be hard to accept, considering your values and how much your role as a provider matters to you, but we're doing it out of love and thankfulness, not obligation. We love doing nice things for you, it makes us feel good inside. So, please, let us pamper you a little. I can hardly think of someone I'd rather spend money for, and, really, it's no hardship for me to buy you such small items such as dishrags or sponges. What do you say?"

Maybe your husband/your brother-in-law (if your sister has a partner) could also talk to him. Maybe having another man weigh in on this would help him accept this shift in prospective more easily. And maybe your kids could buy him (with parental help, of course) a membership to a museum or a gift card to a café or something along these lines? I think it would be very unlikely that a gift from his grandchildren would be met with anger. Or throw in the idea of special "Grandpa and us" time in the weekends? Simple things, like doing a craft together, Grandpa regaling them with stories about his childhood/adolescence, an outing in which he can teach them an age-appropriate skill he has? I think that would help him in this time of bereavement.

Please, ignore the cold-hearted posters and do keep us updated. I'd love to know how things progress for your Dad and you.[/quote]

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