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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, sorry but I think you were wrong. I know how disgusting it is to stay in a place such as you describe. My mother was completely unable to clean for the last years of her life and she would neither allow us to do it nor allow me to get her a cleaning service. Gross, yes. But, her house, her stuff, her decision. My only option was whether I was going to visit, and, if so for how long and under what circumstances. [/quote] Problem is that when an elderly person ends up living in a mess that can make them sick and they are demonstrating that they are unable to care for themselves, eventually social services comes in when the neighbors start complaining, and usually, the elderly person isn't going to like being told what to do by strangers, either. Then everyone throws up their arms and declares, "Where were his/her CHILDREN! Don't they care about their own mother!! How ungrateful! How disgusting! Their poor mom!" It's a no win situation. Then, it becomes an even bigger problem for the rest of the family. Better to deal with problems while they're small, unless you have the time and energy and money available for when they snowball. OP, at some point it might be appropriate to show up if not with a counselor but with a few shoeboxes. Everyone, starting with your father, can take a few mementos that belonged to your mom. I doubt your mom believed that every single thing she touched was sacred. Would you want your own spouse living in a mess unable to throw out things like dish rags? Probably not. Your dad needs to go through everything piece by piece and understand that we will all leave behind a lot of stuff that really doesn't even symbolize us. [/quote]
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