Reply to H is not happy with sex only once a week

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "H is not happy with sex only once a week"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why do so many people think it is so easy to have sex when you have no desire to?  [/quote]

The question is why doesn't she have more desire, and why does he suddenly have more. Aside from the few people saying just do it more, the issue, as a PP addressed, is why has this situation arisen. As they also indicated, there's no way to know what happened to change the dynamic, so the thread turns into a man v woman thing; he a jerk, she's frigid. The solution to the conflict clearly lay in it's genesis, and until OP clarifies that, she's just looking for moral support.[/quote]

I guarantee he doesn't suddenly want it more. Maybe he's hit a realization he's getting older. Maybe he doesn't want ED by the time his wife is ready to have more sex. Nobody is guaranteed to be healthy enough for sex their entire lives and it's a shame to waste the healthy years with a sexual dud. Honestly. [/quote]

This is basically the dynamic that led to me rocking the boat in our increasingly sexless marriage. I didn't threaten infidelity or anything ham-fisted like that. But, when the sex dropped off steeply as my wife was pregnant and then with little kids, I didn't say anything because I figured that would be selfish -- pregnancy is hard, little kids are hard. But when our youngest was 6 and in school and the sex didn't get any more frequent, I told my wife I was unhappy about that. In the short term, I think that conversation made our sex life even worse because now she felt like she was being pressured into sex and that made her feel even less sexy. But, longer term, it's helped somewhat - I got a vasectomy, she got her hormonal IUD out. Intellectually, she thinks we ought to be having sex at least once a week. As a practical matter, that's the high end with most months being 2-3 times. And she seems to enjoy those times more than she was when it was a once a month event -- her enjoyment might come from me not being as much of a passive aggressive, grumpy piece of shit because I was only getting laid once a month and felt like I was an asshole for bringing it up.

My renewed sense of urgency had to do with aging - along with the fact that I'd let *plenty* of time go by due to respect for the difficulties of pregnancy and toddlers. Probably I will hit an age where sex becomes physically much more difficult. I want to get some good sex in before that happens. Fortunately for us, I'm not crazy high drive either -- I think 2x per week would be ideal for me. If we can hit her stated 1/week goal - with good, non-quickie sessions twice a month - I'll be pretty content.

Obviously I can't speak to OP's husband's state of mind. I think he crossed a line with the "I'll cheat" threat. But that ought to be at least a nagging, if unstated, concern of every spouse who isn't inclined to make efforts to accommodate their husband or wife's unmet, higher sex drive. [/quote]

It would be better to fix it now than late. If it lingers on, then all the resentments and angers will set in if not already, which will make it even harder to fix it down the road.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics