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[quote=Anonymous]I'm so, so sorry OP. My father has Alzheimers; my maternal grandmother had it as well so I figure I'm doubly cursed. Both of my grandmothers lived with us for about 1 year each when I was growing up, until their care became too much. I was older than your kids, but I had such incredible love and respect for my mother for the sacrifices she made. My mother was terrified of getting Alzheimers; in the end she died young of ovarian cancer and the only blessing of that is that she didn't have to see my father live with this disease.

Way back then, my mother fought like hell to find a good place for her own mother who was a widow of a veteran and had few assets. In the end my parents somehow got to a local congressman who helped find a Medicare (Medicaid? don't remember) bed for her in the nursing facility in town. I wonder if there is anything that your congresspeople can do to help expedite all the bureaucracy?

What about your church or synagogue - the ladies who ran the outreach program at our small town New England church would have mobilized a minor army to help in a situation like this, once they knew about it.

Fwiw we've relied on elder care agencies and lawyers to help with our dad. The state and local council/agency on the elderly can be a great resource if you haven't tried them yet. They will probably be familiar with the problem of record destruction - tearing up photos and other records of the present reality is a very common trait among Alzheimers patients.

Please talk to your friends and tell them what you wrote here. I lost my mother a lot earlier than most of my friends did, and I find I sometimes have to be blunt with them because the realities of a dead mother and a father with severe dementia are so far from their radar. But even if they don't step up to the plate to give you a hand or at least socialize with you and your kids, it's cathartic to get it off your chest.

All the best to you and your family. [/quote]

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