Reply to how do I get over my own shit to be a good mom to my extremely SN kid?

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Reply to "how do I get over my own shit to be a good mom to my extremely SN kid?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I am so sorry OP. I agree that you need support and help.

I have three friends with children who have significant physical and other special needs. I do not know whether these anecdotes will help you at all, but they might.

One of them told me, when her child was 2, and they were still dealing with multiple health crises, surgeries, feeding tubes, night nurses (and they had lots of $$ from family for help), and a poor prognosis for social and intellectual development that if they had known this is what it would have been like, they would not have had children. It was a very raw, painful, but honest admission.I know they both were in therapy for a long time, dealing with the stress and their feelings of anger, pain, confusion.  i am happy to report that their child is doing amazingly well considering the early diagnosis, and now has been mainstreamed in school and though he has continued to have some health problems, his major crises and surgeries are behind him. He will always look and be different, and have challenges, but the overall picture is very different at 10 than it was at 1, or even 3.

My second friend has a profoundly disabled child. She was told that her daughter would never speak, hear, walk, feed herself, dress herself or be able to even do any basic self care. This was her 3rd child and for several years she was the most exhausted, depressed, bewildered person I have ever known. I do not know how she kept going--how both of them did as her husband was equal partner with the exception that she quit her job to care for the kids--but somehow she did. Her daughter is now 12 and attends a regular school with an aide and can do many of the things that she wasn't supposed to be able to do. She will always require care, but my friend, who admitted she wondered at times "what was the point" of her daughter's life, no longer feels that way. They've somehow all formed a strong family unit, and the older siblings are incredibly protective of their sister, and they strive for normalcy as much as possible.

my third acquaintance's daughter , now in her 20s, is profoundly disabled and she will remain under care for the rest of her life. He deals with it in the way he can--in part by being as much of a good parent as he can, but also by channelling his energy (passion, anger, hurt, focus) into his work (he's a writer). He travels a lot, which used to make him feel guilty, but he realized that was allowing him to come back home and be there.

I hope you find some respite, and some comfort, in what is a terribly distressing and sad situation. [/quote]

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