Reply to DWs: Do you sometimes pretend to be less interested in sex than you are?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sometimes when I try to initiate sex, my wife acts like I'm kind of a nuisance and a horn dog, but when we go ahead and have sex in these situations, she seems to enjoy it every bit as much as I do.

[b]It seems like there are societal pressures on women not to advertise that they're interested in sex -- so as not to be labeled as a slut or because good girls don't do that or whatever.[/b] I think my wife has internalized some of that and has a default resistance built in. Any of the dcum wives out there have a "default no" even if you'd kind of like to have sex?

Now, don't get me wrong -- sometimes she's just completely not into it and my advances are not well received. And, other times, my advances are enthusiastically received. But, generally it's in this middle ground. And, at times, the "no means no" I've internalized and her sort of "default no" probably results in us not having sex when we both would have enjoyed it. [/quote]

That is very true. I read/hear idiotic men STILL categorizing women as virgins or whores. Then they wonder why they can't find a "good woman" who loves sex. 
I never pretended to not like sex, but I never initiated because I didn't want my DH to think I was slutty. It's stupid because I was a virgin when I met him, so he KNOWS I'm not a slut. Still, that stupid societal pressure is kind of ingrained. I have gotten better about expressing my desires, but I never pretend to not want it when I do. There have been times when I really wasn't in the mood and I've said so. He knows just how to get me in the mood :)

And when I say "No," I mean it. Usually if I have really bad PMS (couple of times a year) I will say no. I don't think it's right for her to say "no" when she means "yes." That is sending the wrong signal to you. You really do need to address that. Have a blatant discussion about sex.

We don't ask each other if we are going to have sex, we just ask "Do we have plans?". We have 2 young kids and must speak in code, since they hear EVERYTHING.[/quote]

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