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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My parents have turned DS into their reason to live. They retired and talked about doing other things-- taking on new hobbies and traveling-- but it never worked out that way. While I'm so happy they love and care for DS, it becomes somewhat burdensome at times because DH and I cannot accommodate their emotional needs. DS was not born for THEM, and they seem to have a hard time accepting that. My mother had a vision of being the grandmother who watches her grandchildren every day while I head out to work. Unfortunately for her, it hasn't worked out that way. DH and I saved up, I work part-time and we'll send DS to pre-school when he's ready. My parents need to be needed and for this they really need therapy but will never seek it out. As a result of all of this, my mother tends to make a lot of passive aggressive statements about her role as a grandparent. Makes me wonder if there's some grandparenting book out there they're all reading titled "Asserting Yourself As the Alpha Grandma." [/quote]

This sounds exactly like my MIL who is also a score keeper and constantly trying to get rid of me and have DD to herself. She even wants to sleep on the floor in DD's room when she visits.

I tried to get my DH to handle her but it hasn't worked so well (she has a ton of issues unrelated to this post but he has spent his life simultaneously being embarrassed by and defensive of her and if I criticize her too much he switches to defensive mode). Here's what worked for me, OP:
1. If I have an issue with MIL's behavior, handle it myself using very direct and unemotional words
2. Keep our schedule somewhat busy so that it's harder for her to visit (they live six hours away and see the baby every six weeks though MIL would come every other weekend if we let her)
3. Let DH handle most of the interactions. At first I would email her the same photos and videos I sent my parents to minimize the score keeping. However that resulted in her sending bizarre emails demanding I send pictures every single day, so I stopped. I send the photos to DH and let him decide whether or not to send to her but I no longer receive her barrage of emails (13 in one day demanding photos). DH is also responsible for scheduling their visits and I try to take at least one afternoon to myself
4.[b] I recognize that she loves the baby and the baby loves her and I'd never want to get in the middle of that so I try not to let her "get" to me when she does stuff like try to kick me out of my own house so she can babysit. It took a long time - baby is now really a toddler at almost 2 years old and I'm still working on it but the more I try to view her as someone to be tolerated every once in awhile, the easier it gets. [/b]
5.As someone else said, I give her as little info about my family as possible - the less she knows the harder it is to be competitive.

Distant and polite but firm is my mantra.[/quote]

That is how I get by with my MIL as well.  She drives me insane with the score keeping and weird passive aggressive comments about my family, specfically my mother.  But I just try to remember she's a good grandma.  She's annoying as hell as a MIL, but very loving with my baby...that is worth it (repeat as needed).[/quote]

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