Reply to Getting seperated...what is fair?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"You should still consult with an attorney, but if you and he are on terms where you can work it out I would still try it that way. Tell him that anything you agree to you will have an attorney review before it is approved. There are A LOT of details that go into a divorce agreement/custody agreement."

Yes.  OP, first of all, forget about deciding whether to do mediation or collaborative divorce, or how much child support you should get.  This is what you do:

1) Make a list of all your assets and liabilities, joint and separate.  Pull your free credit reports (FTC website) to make sure you know everything.  Have a friend or family member help you if this is overwhelming.

2) Borrow some money from family and spend $1000 or so for a few hours consulting with a couple lawyers.  Take a trusted friend or family member with you to listen and take really good notes.

3) Sit down and make a list of all the issues you'll have to negotiate, and put down what the lawyers have advised you that you are likely to receive in each area.

4) Compare that to what STBX is offering to determine where there are differences.  Then negotiate, either by yourself, with the help of someone you know, with an attorney, or with a mediator.

5) Have an attorney review the draft agreement once it is together.[/quote]

With a couple acting in good faith, this could work. But given the unacceptable terms OP's husband has already offered (especially the first one, where she would basically move out and be his free nanny while he kept the kids and the house!), and given the dishonesty and deceit he's already displayed (taking out loans she didn't know about; understating the amount of the loans she DID know about, and being in touch with an old girlfriend), he sounds like a snake and she needs the real deal in terms of lawyers. It would not be surprising if he was playing games with the money to try to hide it/convince her that he's getting the worse end of the deal by assuming the debt and keeping the house. This does not sound at all like a trustworthy person.[/quote]

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