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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well, it sort of is her fault, though, since she mixed up the letters. I mean, MIL's fault, too, but none of this would have happened if OP hadn't sent MIL the other note and book.

Why not try calling her from a different phone, with a phone number they won't recognize, and giving a real and heartfelt apology. (I am PP from last comment who doesn't think MIL is that bad, just hurt.)[/quote]

I agree. I don't understand how if you know MIL and FIL had a bitter divorce and MIL is big on loyalty and holds a grudge for decades that you accidentally switch the notes. That's like knowing your mother and her brother haven't spoken for years over who knows what and you "accidentally" seat them together at your wedding.  WTF.  You may think it is childish, immature etc, BUT it isn't your fight to fight or your place to force forgiveness when forgiveness isn't yours to give.  I don't know why MIL and FIL divorce was bitter and you can always argue that there are two sides to every story BUT I can think of lots of situations that it would be difficult to forgive my DH, abandonment, abuse, infidelity, divorcing me after asking me to sacrifice something  major, like career, and then beggaring me rather than paying a decent amount of child support and alimony while he remarried my ex-best friend who was the other woman (yes, I watch too many Lifetime movies).  I'm not saying any of those things happened between MIL and FIL but I know that there are situations in life that people find very hard to forgive and I don't think anyone would like someone minimizing that pain and hurt, especially if they haven't been through it themselves, and are  saying "suck it up butter cup". My family is dysfunctional, though not to extent of your DH's family. I had a biological father that abandoned me and came back into my life 30 years later and a step dad that raised me that ended up divorcing my mom after lots of arguing, differences on parenting, infidelity on his part and so on.  If someone that has never had any of that happen told me to get over it, I would have had some choice words to say to them.  I have slowly repaired those relationships and it has been a combination of hearing others that have gone thru something similar explain their thinking on forgiveness and having my biological dad and step dad take responsibility for their actions and ask for forgiveness.  My husband has never tried to get involved in trying to repair those relationships, he gave me space to do what I felt best and support in my decisions.

So that brings me to the next point of why you were putting yourself in the middle of crazy.  It is up to your DH to decide what he wants his relationships to be with his parents, not yours.  if his parents directly disrespect you and you are standing up for yourself or something where you need to protect your children then in is about the relationship between you and them and I expect your husband to support you.  Anything else is for your husband to deal with his parents.  You may not agree with MIL, but you need to fall on your sword on this one and call, send a homing pigeon, send a message via your husband's  brother that you are sorry, you take responsibility and explain why you felt the need to get involved because clearly strengthening the relationship with the FIL was more about something you needed than DH.  Is your dad not in the picture or you lost a close relative recently why you felt you wanted to have his involvement more in your kid's life?  Because honestly not every grandparent is involved in their grandkids life for a variety of reasons and sometimes you have to appreciate what you have instead of trying to change/mold a person or relationship into what you wish it could be.[/quote]
What post did you read? Where in OPD's post did anybody say anything about making somebody forget is nobody said anything about making mother-in-law forgive father-in-law she can not like him until the cows come home. But you don't just stop speaking to your job as a speaking to their other parent.
And just because it is OP's  husband's dad doesn't mean she's not involved. that's an emotional landscape and emotional habit and psychological dynamic that affect the entire family. Healthy people don't ignore that kind of mess.[/quote]

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