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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just based on what you wrote, no you shouldn't do it. It sounds very jerky.[b] Either you give money free of strings or you do not. Unless they are your children, I don't thnk you should be in the business of "teaching" them things. [/b]That is very condescending and isn't going to make for a harmonious extended family life.

We have family members who are much less well off than we are. We give generously for things like weddings, showers, holidays, etc. If there was a serious emergency (health, disaster, etc), we of course would step up and cover things. But short of that, it isn't our place to try to rework their lives unless someone expressly asks for that sort of help.

Another thing to think about is how your success was based in part on a lot of luck. Maybe that will help you be a little more kind spirited. [/quote]

+1.  I learned  long ago if people think they can always depend on you to help out with money situations they will get upset if you stop helping out because they start depending on it.  Emotionally,  there is an awkward feeling of not being equals in being able to handle things when someone is always the giver and the other the receiver.  I sure as heck can't comment on how the money is used or complain that they took a trip to Florida but have not paid back a penny they borrowed, because then I am either being controlling at worst or not treating the person as an adult that can make decisions on his/her own.  End result is someone is mad AND I'm out the money.  I figure either they can be mad because I won't give money AND I still have the money and I'm not mad/resentful or they don't even get mad because they know I won't give out money and they figure something else out.

I really feel a gift is given of free will and if I can't deal with how someone may use it, I shouldn't give them the money. I won't lend money, it's either a freely given gift or doesn't happen.  I'm not trying to teach a grown adult money management, if living with the consequences isn't enough to have someone want to change things than giving money and not letting him/her live with the consequences of their decisions won't change anything for sure.

I will do things like nice gifts, something that I no longer use like tv, first dibs for family, contributing to nieces savings account, paying for ticket to visit, but nothing over the top/lady of the manor and nothing that sets an expectation.[/quote]

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