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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here- Thanks PP.  Just wondering though if it will scare him away if I start talking about that before we even meet up?  My brothers both said to go for the weekend (not sleep with him of course) and then talk about it on Sunday.  I think if I cancel now, he will be upset and the walls will go up even higher.  Plus I really, really want to see him.  [/quote]

I haven't gone back to an ex.  I personally don't think it is a good idea to go away with anyone for the weekend if you have not established the relationship status unless you don't care.  If the chemistry is there and you already know the sex is good, if things get heated, you are in the position of rejecting him ( which won't be a good situation) or you roll with it so to speak and now have made yourself vulnerable to him not knowing if he will say "oh the sex was great but I'm still not sure I can be in the relationship".

I'm a pragmatic romantic so I believe you can meet the right person at the wrong time in your life so I love the stories where the people find their way back to each other 5 or 10 years later or sometimes 25 years later. I also believe you can love someone but that isn't the right person for you to marry/can't live with them long term - think "The Way We Were" with Barbara Streisand and Robert Redford.  I think for you and your ex to make this work he has to communicate with you and can't blow hot and cold forever.  Before you go away for the weekend you lay your card on the table.  You regret breaking up, you really want to date him again, and you think if you go away together you will be tempted to take things further and you do not to want to go there if he can't get past the breakup and give you another chance.   If there is something about the way you broke up with him that worries him, I.e. It was out of the blue and he didn't have any chance to give options like dialing back the dating to seeing you once a week etc, the unilateral style etc, could something like that happen again if say your parents health was failing or you lost your job and instead of being a team you would bolt to handle it on your own etc.  He needs to discuss his exact fears about giving you another chance and you have to consider if it was more than just timing.

I don't think you should bend over backwards and let him walk all over you. I do think that you should own your part and offer to go to couples counseling or whatever to improve how you communicate with each other and let him know that you don't want to hurt him again and want to work together to make things better this time around, maybe taking things slower, maybe making sure you really are compatible in values and visions of the future, maybe making sure you have those skills that help coupled navigate a disagreement or crisis. Ultimately you each have to be your authentic selves to make the relationship work long term and it can't be him waiting for the other shoe to drop and you on eggshells trying to not spook him and earn forgiveness.

Really rooting for you to work this out.[/quote]

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