Reply to what would you do?? In laws sent my child an Ipad mini for his SIXTH birthday without asking

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[quote=Anonymous]Wow, OP, I really don't get these rude responses to you.  I completely agree with you on the inappropriateness of the gift.  It is way, way overstepping to buy a child that expensive a gift, and especially not a technology gift, since technology requires so  much supervision and also touches on your parenting philosophy regarding screen time, etc - certainly it is not something that should be foisted on a family without checking first.

I would have your DH say something like, "Thank you for Joey's birthday gift.  It was kind of you to think of him.  During his two hours of screen time a week [or whatever your limit is], he will enjoy using it.  We appreciate your generosity, but we do feel a little bad that you spent so much money on an expensive gift that he won't get a lot of use out of.  We would be happy to talk with you next year about your gift ideas so we can all be on the same page when planning for his birthday!"

My LO is only 1, and my frustration so far is that my MIL spends hundreds of dollars on stuffed toys for him, but she is a chain smoker so they reek (even after washings, if they can be washed, which most can't) and there's no way I'll let the baby play with them.  But my DH doesn't want to hurt her feelings by telling her outright to stop buying them.  I've told her that his pediatrician says no stuffed toys in the crib, and since I have bad asthma we generally are avoiding stuffed toys, but she buys them anyway.  She's probably spent $500 in the past year on gifts that went into the garbage since I can't even donate them.

I know it's not my $$ to spend, but when I think of the zillion better ways she could be investing that money in her grandson -- like, contributing to his 529 -- it drives me nuts, but it's mostly the passive aggressive stuff that I can't stand.  I'd prefer to just tell her, but DH refuses and would be angry with me if I did.

As a gift giver, I'd rather know that my gift choices weren't working out then just have the recipient not use them and never tell me.  For example, I bought my nephew a lot of clothes his first couple of years -- mostly Osh Kosh B'Gosh overalls and onesies and feety PJ's -- and never, not one time, did I ever see him wear them.  My brother would lie and tell me he had just worn them the other day, etc., but I never saw it.  Finally, after my brother's death, my SIL's sister inadvertently revealed that my SIL had given away all this "ugly Osh Kosh clothing" over the years to a cousin of theirs because she couldn't stand that style and thought it was rednecky.  (Which I can see re overalls, but I don't get about feety pj's, but I think she just had a "thing" about the brand and reflexively dislikes it or think's it's tacky.)

Anyway, I would MUCH rather have known and had gotten him savings bonds or contributed to a 529 or something rather than buy hundreds of dollars of carefully selected outfits that I thought were cute.  I probably would have been a little insulted if she told me that she didn't care for that style, but exponentially less insulted than knowing I had thrown all that money away for nothing![/quote]

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