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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Scapegoating of this sort is far more common that you might realize. The above link provided by a PP is pretty accurate and helpful. It would probably be worth talking to a therapist to work through the painful feelings about it. It may never change, and it's a very painful thing, and it'd be good to get some family theory perspective on what's going on, and some tips for how to move on with your life.

Most of the time the scapegoat is either the weakest (or perceived as weakest) child in the family, and/or the one who refuses to fall in line with whatever family facade is at play. I know how painful this can be because I'm going through it right now too. I was actually the "golden child" for my whole life, the one who could do no wrong, who everyone enjoyed and admired. Then I had a baby, experienced some serious post partum depression, was no longer my confident go-to self, and the previous scapegoat/black sheep family member happened to be doing better than she ever had, and she and I basically traded places. Neither one of us could believe it, and both of us laugh about it. We're the only ones (of five kids) who "get it", because we're the only ones who've been in the disfavored role. Anyway it sucks so much and I'm really sorry. Bottom line is to protect yourself from them however you need to, and to nurture yourself and create your own friend/family network outside of your blood relatives, who may always treat you like shit (I'm sorry to say). The goal is to stop caring what they do and think. I haven't remotely reached this goal yet, but I have come a long way and am going to keep working on myself.

I think the conversation with your dad was perfect. Honest without being overly emotional and playing into whatever drama they may be trying to create. [/quote]

Wow.  This sounds so much like my situation.  I can't believe someone else has experienced this.  I've read about these dynamics and understand it much more, but I haven't read about our situation - where the roles reverse.  It is extremely unsettling on every level.  At least in your family, your sibling understands and sees the dynamic enough for you to laugh about it.  My family doesn't have anyone else who sees what's going on.  My sister - the previous excluded one, now the golden child - is so happy to have the "love" of my parents that she'd never see the manipulation involved in all of this.  In my case, I got married, had a sick child and, for a time, a sick spouse.  I guess that just wasnt "fun" for them.  In her case, she married a very wealthy man and, suddenly my parents went from saying horrible things to and about her (like: she's crazy, they don't like her, they only love her because they have to, she's fat, no one likes her, etc) to spending every vacation with her and acting as though everything she does is perfect (oh yeah, and they have expunged all memory of ever having had negative thoughts/words about her).

I would really welcome a sibling who could acknowledge this insanity and reversal.  Luckily my husband has seen this for years and years and has seen it all - so he does understand.   I think if I hadn't seen it and experienced it for myself I wouldn't believe this type of family dynamic was possible.[/quote]

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