Reply to Will DW's libido ever return post-infant years?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"Wanna do it?" and tepidly pawing at her are not good initiations. She's going to shoot you down. When she does shoot you down, shrug it off and don't whine. Go do something else that's fun and try again tomorrow or whenever you're in the mood.

Good luck! [/quote]

Yes x 100![/quote]
Thank you. Men seriously need to put in a little effort. Sometimes I'm psyching myself up for sex and then he does something crass, which might be mildly humorous, but when my drive is so fragile it just kills it entirely. How can I get myself in the psychological place I need to be to be turned on when I'm trying to ignore stupid jokes? Not sexy.[/quote]

I'm the PP who recommended against tepid pawing. I stand by that and, as an undersexed husband, I'm mostly focused on things I can do and - by extension - things that other undersexed husbands can do. That said . . .

A wife has some obligations here as well. It's a 50/50 relationship, so the woman ought to take up 50% of the work of getting the couple into the mood for good sex. I understand "ought to" sometimes only has a marginal relationship to reality, so if my wife is doing, say, 20% of the heavy lifting when it comes to sex, I'm reasonably happy with the situation.

Basically, if I flirt with her and she flirts back, I'm going to be happy with her effort.

Maybe related, maybe an aside - but very little drives me crazier than when, two days after the fact, she'll let me know "I was in the mood but you didn't make a move." I'm not a damn mind reader, woman! [/quote]

I used to try and give my husband subtle hints and he wouldn't take it. After discussing it, he said men don't get subtlety, so I needed to be more obvious. Now If I'm in the mood, I text him or say something along the lines of "do we have plans later?" (little ears are ALWAYS listening.)

And he will ask if we have plans if he wants to have sex.

I think communication is the most important thing in a relationship. Enjoying sex (and each other) needs to be important as well.

OP, you need to talk to your wife about sex. Does she ever say "yes!" "don't stop" or "Right there" "just like that" or anything else along those lines? If not, you're not doing the right things and she's not enjoying sex. IT's 50% your responsibility and 50% hers to figure out what works for her.

I would recommend she read some erotica (NOT 50 Shades --for crying out loud it's horribly written. I like literotica.com (has free stories listed by different topics). She should read some to get into the mood. Or if she likes Harlequin romance novels, maybe you can borrow some from the library for her. (Or buy some if you know what she likes.)

Do you know where the clit is and do you spend time there? If not, get busy!

You also might want to arrange for a baby sitter so you can have your home to yourself. I am very vocal when we are having sex and I prefer the kids to be out of the house so I can "let go."

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