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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Asian poster here:

This is why Asian parents are in trepidation about their children marrying outside of the culture.

We would never insist on our in-laws or parents staying in a hotel. We'd just accommodate everyone because they are family. I'd certainly not use double standards when it comes to my parent staying with us as opposed to my in-laws.

Not intended to be a value judgement as much as an explanation of a glaring cultural difference. In fact, for most Asian parents if one were to tell them to stay in a hotel, they would not even come. I know that is how my parents would react.[/quote]

Funny but true. I am Caucasian and married to an Asian. His parents take it to a whole different level. When they went to visit the little brother and his fiancée in a tiny one bedroom one bath apartment, they stayed with them and brought the other brother. So a total of 5 people for days. I truly don't get it.  [b]I get that they are family and all but enmeshed is more like it.[/b] They have plenty of money and need to be respectful of the new family dynamic and stay elsewhere in my opinion. When they went to visit my now husband when we were dating in his town home, they stayed on the air mattress or on the floor. Seriously. It completely baffles me because my parents will only stay at Four seasons etc. want their space and amentities too. Again his parents have plenty of money, just crazy enmeshed who don't know how to let go of their babies...

Op- I think all of your inlaws need to stay in a hotel or all at your house until you establish ground rules for everyone here on out. I fully agree with you though as my mom who is very helpful will come to see us solo. It's a hard bridge to cross with a lot of hurt feelings on both sides. Good luck![/quote]

Yes, they are enmeshed - because they are family. My parents would do the very same thing if there were not enough room. And believe me, they have plenty of money. So that is not the issue.

My sister made it very clear to her then Caucasian boyfriend as to the importance of family to her and how getting married would not change that aspect. He said he was totally on board. After they got engaged, my parents went to visit them and stay with them for two weeks. He clearly did not like it. My parents did not say anything but not long after this visit, she broke off the engagement and told him the reason was the way he treated our parents. He was shocked because he did not think he had done anything wrong.

It is a difficult concept for Westerners to understand - but then Asians and some other eastern cultures are bemused and horrified by how some Westerners treat their own families.

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