Reply to Need a new perspective on problem with in-laws (long, sorry)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It might be a relationship issue  between FIL and MIL. Since he's so good with kids, and she's never had any, she might have felt inept and inadequate, and he (if he's a little old-fashioned) might have been a little disappointed in her lack of motherliness. If the experience caused them relationship issues, they are not going to tell you about it, but both will be resentful of it.

I'd say let it go and like a PP said, be the bigger person. And know in the future that they're not up to having the kids stay with them. (just for anyone else considering having someone watch the kids while they're on vacation---  I would have tried harder to persuade them to stay at your house. It would have been SO much easier for the kids, and thus for them also.)[/quote]

OP here

I think this is part of it. Although she is generally wonderful to us, FIL's wife was totally overwhelmed (i.e. calling me at 5am on vacation and saying "You need to make other arrangements for the baby") and he might be caught in a tight spot between her and us where he feels like he has to support her.  He didnt even know that she called me and said that the baby had actually slept right through the night and he wasnt sure why she was so upset. She also got sick while we were away and was late to work one day bc carpool was late.

I tend to be a problem-fixer, so giving people space is not my strongest skill but I will try. 
[/quote]

Yeah, I think this probably has a lot to do with it but I will also say that you had poor judgement in believing that a women who never had any experience full time with young children was going to be ok with 3 young kids for the duration of the trip.

Spending limited time with your kids while you are present is no where near the same thing as having to spend 24/7 with them and be responsible for their needs. Add in the fact, it's a new place for the kids, the kids aren't super familiar with them, and your kids missed you, their house and their routine.

You both share the blame but there is no fix to the situation. It happened. It's over. You know their limits. They know their limits.  If anything, I would meet with them and ask if they have any outstanding requests for cleaning or compensation for supplies that you need to meet and agree that in hindsight this wasn't the ideal situation and then let it go.  Get in touch with them in a few weeks and invite them to something casual and try and rebuild from there.[/quote]

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