Reply to WWYD - DH's Ex-Mistress Sent Him "I Miss You" Email

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Reply to "WWYD - DH's Ex-Mistress Sent Him "I Miss You" Email"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's been two years OP, I'm sorry to say but if you made the choice to give it another shot, then you need to commit to it. There is no relationship that will work without trust. If you chose to forgive him and work on your marriage, you have to give him the benefit of the doubt and believe in him. You can't keep holding it over his head and going through his emails, that's not healthy and doesn't really show you believe he is a changed man. Have you brought this up to your counselor?

If you don't have it in you to trust him that's understandable too, but then you should not try to stay married because you will both end up miserable. 
[/quote]

This is advice from someone who has not lived through infidelity of this magnitude. Those who have BTDT know that trust may never come back completely. And two years of healing is a drop in the bucket. It may take you much longer. That doesn't mean you can't reconcile or have a solid future. It means you will never be the same. You just resign to deal with that. You'd never be the same if you divorced either. You'd just have a new host of problems and heartbreaks, such as trying to explain to your kids why daddy isn't around much, why you can't celebrate birthdays or holidays together, why your kids don't see their cousins much, etc. Divorce sucks. Staying sucks. In some ways, your relationship may come out better if you continue to work on it and fix the problems that were at the root of the affair. Ours did, though I'm not sure I'd trade the costs for the benefits. I'm very sorry.[/quote]

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