Reply to When younger sister visits, she never lifts a finger. Is this common?

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[quote=Anonymous]I am in my mid forties and have siblings who are 16 to 22 years younger than I am.  The relationship is not quite that of siblings, more like a beloved aunt/niece/nephew.

I think that an adult-child dynamic exists in these relationships and the younger siblings expect me to act like their mom in some circumstances, and indeed I have often done so.  I used to basically nanny them when I was young.

I think if your sister came for three days one a year, it would be one thing.  If she is staying for longer than that and multiple times a year, you need to make your expectations clear.  Also, who is doing the inviting - is she asking to come see you or are you asking her to come visit?  If she is initiating the visits, say, "I'd love that.  I do need to ask if you can help me out while you are here.  Here are the things I would need you to do.".  Then tell her.

On the one hand, she's not a mind reader.  On the other, this may be an opportunity for you to help teach her about being a good guest.  [/quote]

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