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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Some people are just dense. You need to be specific about what you want her to do to be helpful and stop expecting her to read your mind.

My brother and I grew up in the same household, same rules, same manners. We’re only a year apart. I help out – he and his wife didn’t used to help out. This caused no end of turmoil with my mom who took your approach – expected them to be mind readers. But they just are a bit dense – they totally wouldn’t see what needs to be done and how to be helpful. Helpful people think it’s obvious – but it’s not obvious to some people. After one of the classic family blow-ups, I had a come to Jesus talk with him. Now he gets it – and they help out. I told him specific tasks to do and now him and the wife get it. They help, they’re proactive, and everyone is happier. You need to train her and stop stewing.[/quote]

And I'll add my brother and SIL not rude or selfish. They're just clueless and need people to be direct with them. When you ask them to help - they do it without complaint. They, too, wouldn't realize that your comment about going outside to shovel is really an unstated request for help.[/quote]

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