Reply to When younger sister visits, she never lifts a finger. Is this common?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yeah, I am the youngest by 12 years n can see how she thinks a bit maybe-she sees you as more of a mother than a sister. Plus -she's single n no kids- still sees herself as a kid-at that age still pretty self absorbed. Call attention to it "Hey could you help me out a bit?"[/quote]

It's not the age of the sibling, it's the expectations set by the family.  My brother is the eldest and in our Chinese-American household, he was raised that as the "number one son" he would be spoiled and pampered.  Despite the fact that he runs his own household (he's divorced and they share the kids 50-50, so he takes care of himself, his house and his two kids when they are with him), as soon as one of the rest of the family is around, he becomes the pampered son that is taken care of.

I have been a guest at a number of friends houses and sometimes you have to know the individuals.  I have been to friends' homes who welcome the help around the house and ask for it.  I have been at other friends houses who would like you to help, but would never dream of asking for help or like you, want the guests to know that they should offer to help or just pitch in.  And I have been guests of friends who are mortified that their guests have to help out, and that it shows they aren't a good host.  The problem, is that there is no way to know which way they think without knowing them.  Frankly, I do offer and take people at their word if they say the don't need help (I don't comprehend the silly style that you politely decline the help, but then feel aggravated that they didn't know you really wanted help and hold it against you).  However, having been rebuffed rather strongly by some hosts who are embarrassed that their guests would think that they can't handle or aren't doing a good enough job hosting that they need help, I sometimes will not offer, but will gladly offer assistance when asked.  So stop being so high maintenance and just mention to your sister that you would like her to help out with the daily chores while she visits.  If she doesn't know what needs to be done, then give her a list of daily tasks that need to be done and welcome her to help with any of the list.[/quote]

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