Reply to Am I wrong for refusing to go to my great grandmother's funeral

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm sorry for your loss. Ultimately, this has to be your decision, especially if you feel very strongly one way or another - which it sounds like you do.

That being said I would personally recommend that you attend, unless you believe that traveling with your family to attend the funeral would put you at risk of a domestic abuse situation or at risk of significant emotional trauma. If one of those is likely to occur, send your grandmother and mother both carefully worded sympathy notes in which you offer your condolences and apologize that you cannot attend the funeral, and arrange to have a flower arrangement sent to the funeral home.Obviously do not attend with your family if they have abused you to to the point that attending would endanger your safety, in that case your paramount obligation is to protect yourself. Otherwise, not attending a funeral for the sake of your own emotional comfort is not something I would personally recommend as an acceptable approach.

Instead I would suggest that you look at this as an unpleasant social obligation that you nonetheless have to fulfill. For the trip - Plan in advance one or two polite but distant phrases to use as a deflector when your relatives start in on you, and otherwise just ignore them save for needed communication or the bare necessities of politeness.  For the funeral - you're going to need to be far more polite than you were on the road trip. They will be disrespectful to you, but you don't have the luxury of returning that. Overwhelm them with kindness and grace, and vent to a journal or a close friend later. It will hurt, but you can do this. I know you can do this, and if nothing else you will know you've taken the high ground and met your obligation to support the family.

Again, I'm very sorry for your loss, and I wish you peace and the grace of any deity you might believe in as you make a decision about what to do at this difficult time.
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