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[quote=Anonymous]Yes, please get a copy of "Not Just Friends."

And I agree to discuss in therapy alone. Helps you get he vocabulary you need to confront.

Look, I am another who has BTDT. My DH had a "very good friend" co-worker with whom he shared all kinds of intimate details of our life. He would take her out to dinner when he was in her city (she didn't live here), and I told him that he was dating her. He acted so weird about her, and he had had good female friends before, but he had never acted like this, and I had never been paranoid.

He gaslighted me for 10 long months about her. I gave him checklists for emotional affairs; I had him read the Shirley Glass book mentioned above. All I got were denials. I thought I was crazy. So I went to an excellent therapist, and I told him my timeline of events. He listened, and then asked, "What do you think is going on?" I told him, "I think DH is having an affair." The therapist nodded and said, "Yeah."

I left the office, phoned my DH and stood on the street, telling him that I felt validated. The things I thought I'd seen were real, and I was not losing my mind. I literally cried with relief.

DH told the co-worker that they could no longer be friends. He showed me every email that I wanted to see, so that I could validate it. He didn't try to hide, and eventually was able to tell me the whole truth about how the friendship had taken hold, and how it had clearly become inappropriate. Luckily, she left the firm a few months later.

Get over to surviving infidelity.com for support on emotional affairs. They will also have advice on how to confront, etc.

Good luck, my dear. This is not going to be easy, so take care of yourself.[/quote]

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