Reply to Does your spouse opt out of parenting responsibilities?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think some people have unrealist expectations or aren't working well with their spouse.  Two of our three kids have SN.  My DH knows their challenges but he's not a good observer, not a good reporter and has his own challenges.  I'm the one who makes appointments, liaises with the care providers, prepares for the IEP/school meetings and communicate with teachers.  That doesn't mean he's opted out of parenting.  He's a great father and very involved with the kids.  He's just not good at the details.  When he does take a child for an appoitnment, I make him a checklist with information he needs to communicate to the doctor and the questions I want him to ask.  He's happy that I do it because [b]I'm setting him up for success and not failure.[/b]  He can't help not being as good at this as I am and it's not a reason for him not to do it.  This works for both of us.[/quote]

This makes you sound like you have a fourth child. You should not be not DH's coach. That being said, I totally resonate with you about the details. DH does not care enough to get the details down. He assumes (rightly) that I will take care of them.[/quote]

I guess the difference between us is that I know the reason my DH doesn't get the details down is [b]not [/b]because he doesn't care.  He does care and shows me and the kids that he does in 1,001 ways.  His ability to remember, to notice what I notice and then consolidate and present the information to the developmental pediatrician/therapist/whoever is not a litmus test for his love or his ability to parent.  And, I know he's not the only parent who is challenged by this.  Knowing that he's not good at this, why would I not make a list?  What does that get me or him?  Nothing.  Making a list is not hard at all.  I suppose I could dictate the information/questions to him but what added value is that?

A PP said I sounded like his mother.  How's that?  Is there nothing your spouse does for you because he's better at it than you?  I can tell you that my DH does a good number of things better than me and always will - he'll always be able to grill food better than me.  He's a genius at small engine repair, he networked/cabled our whole house and we can access our home computers remotely, he set up a Minecraft server so our kids and their friends can play.  He's an amazing Boy Scout leader. But, he can't do as well as I can regarding our kids' disabilities.  Big deal.  I'm happy to take the lead on it because that's a small weakness in the overall package he brings to the relationship.  It might be a deal breaker for you but it's not for me. Oh, I'm also happy to 'coach' him when he needs it.  We can all use coaches in our life and he returns the favor for me.  It's how I learned to use power tools and have confidence to tackle some home improvement projects of my own.  I'm not as good as he is but he's always happy to coach and support me.[/quote]

Are you usually this long winded when you are bossing your husband around like a little boy?[/quote]

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