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[quote=Anonymous]I cut off communication with my father (and mother) about 5 years before my pregnancy. I was trying to recover from a debilitating depression. The negative talk, rages, and lack of concern added a toxic element that inhibited real recovery. The lightness and hopefulness was such a joy. My father had a toxic relationship with his mother. She was loving and supportive of me. I didn't want to rob my son of a potentially rewarding relationship.

Now I face the decision to end the relationship again. My son loves his grandpa. Over Christmas my father showed signs of his frightening rages when my son didn't want to play a game anymore. My son wasn't rude, just dragging his feet and asking grandpa to do it. Grandpa said my son was lazy and trying to trick him into do for him. My son is 3, just exhausted. He went into a full rage over the weekend. I never wish to subject my son to the withering, mind-bending tirades.

Boundaries are sort of a joke. He will claim he is "just being honest" while eviscerating me for things I've never thought or done. I've tried to establish boundaries to no avail. Both parents have health issues so I may be looking at the last few years with them. I think there is the eternally hopeful little child in me who wants some appreciation for her strengths. What I will probably do is limit contact to near nothing. Any conversations that veer away from grandson will have to end. If they can't accept this condition for the foreseeable future, then they don't have to call. I work every day to establish a confidence that my father's insults don't erode.

A helpful idea for me is to treat yourself as if you are your own parent. Take care of yourself the way a loving adult would take care of her younger self. [/quote]

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