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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you need to take charge of this situation. I know it feels impossible on top of full time work and all the child responsibilities, but it seems you are at a crisis point. Your DH's car idea is a read red flag.

You need to tell the in-laws to make their child care payments contingent on your DH doing certain things -- going to therapy once a week, for example, agreeing to do a list of daily chores (picking up the kids twice daily, doing two loads of laundry a day, making breakfast and dinner, picking up the family room, etc.) or something YOU determine.

You have to leave your DH out of the equation at this point. He is not functioning at anywhere near a normal level.

Have you checked the history on his computer? Install a spy program if you want to find out what he's really doing down there. You'll be shocked, I'm sure, if you think he's analyzing spread sheets. He most assuredly is not.

I have some experience with a DH who can't find a job. It's exhausting, and shows he's stuck. My DH did finally take a job when it was clear he was going to get kicked out of his former (hated) job. Before that, he was focused on finding the "perfect" job, which was never going to happen in this miserable recession. Your DH may be suffering from a similar delusion regarding his job prospects.

You have to proceed one step at a time, but start step one now. If his parents won't work with you, that will make it more difficult, but you can do things like take away or lock his computer (once you find out what he's doing), insist he do child care, or find some kind of work (part time, temp, anything) within a certain brief time period, insist he go to a new therapist (you can help him find one), and insist that he get a new evaluation of his meds.

If you do all of these things, and still nothing has changed, then you must make plans to separate, if you can no longer tolerate the situation. But I'd wait until the situation is hopeless, and it is not there yet. I hope your in-laws will understand and make their financial gifts more restricted, but if they don't, at least your DH can move in with them.

I would go completely crazy in your situation, but I can understand how it could go on for so long. It is very, very hard to find a job in this current economic climate, and if you have anything working against you (mental illness in this case) it's 100 times more difficult.

And you are like the frog in the pot who doesn't notice the water getting hotter. But the water is boiling, and you have to jump out. Now, OP. [/quote]

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