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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here!

Funny update:

They responded to my email after a few weeks saying they would only communicate with me if I apologized for everything I had done (seriously I have no idea what this would be) and would "pledge to treat every interaction with us as an opportunity to show my undying respect, gratitude, and towards them".

I'm dead serious.

I had a good laugh and just ignored the email. I may send them the birth announcement if I remember, but otherwise I'm steering clear.

Thanks for everyone's help and we are very happy (and tired) here with our newest baby!  [/quote]

OP, I have parents like this and I have friends who have parents like this. You aren't crazy, not even a little bit. Honestly, you seem to have a better handle on all this than a lot of people I know. You strike me as someone who is very self-aware and who understands these dynamics. It's natural to struggle with ambivalence when you have messed up parents. This is because normal parents would want to know/be involved in the birth of their grandchild and with other major life milestones -- and in their own messed up ways, your parents probably do want this too. (The e-mail, as ridiculous as it is, and Christmas presents were absolutely their way of reaching out.) So, they are sending mixed signals. You, on the other hand, just want a normal relationship with your parents. How could you not? But you also clearly realize that they can't do normal and that their presence in your life results in pain and hurt. Nevertheless, the mixed signals and complex feelings add up to ambivalence, especially during this special time. You'd have to be a pretty cold person to not feel it.

I'm sorry, OP, that your parents are this way and that you don't get to have the kind of closeness that others get to have with their parents. Though you rightly recognize that it's not something you can fix (nor should you try), it's still sad. Grieve it and let it go. If you want to maintain some contact with them, you might want to consider limiting it to Christmas and birthday cards. Don't call. Don't e-mail. (Too easy for them to say harsh things off the cuff in those formats.) The USPS is the best way to go.

Good luck and congrats on the new baby! [/quote]

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