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[quote=Anonymous]Hi OP - I'm in a similar boat. I always wanted 3 kids, and never imagined life without at least 2. But, a few months ago I was diagnosed with an abdominal tumor requiring surgery and reconstruction. Another pregnancy could carry a myriad of complications, and is not a good idea.

I think the only real solution for you is time. When I first got the news I was in extreme denial. Looked into adoption, surrogacy, and basically just figured it would work out somehow. I also completely lost perspective. Before all this happened I could have listed a dozen good things about an only child. Suddenly I could find nothing, and felt like I had ruined my DC's life because she would be an only. I truly imagined her growing up and hating me for it, telling me she never wanted to speak to me again. Also, I kept obsessing about bizarre details - like how when we go to theme parks most of the rides are 2 people to a row, so someone will always have to sit alone.

Time has helped. I was conveniently already in therapy for post-partum anxiety, and it was very helpful to have someone to talk to (especially as my DH is more content with the idea of one, and hasn't taken the news as hard as I have). So I definitely think it's worth going to see a therapist. It was most helpful for me in regaining my perspective.

Ultimately, though, the best thing was letting go of the possibilities (adoption, surrogacy, going through with a pregnancy anyway). While these are all still technically possibilities, I pretend they aren't and won't entertain daydreams about them. I'm trying to focus on now, and right now I have only one child. So I throw myself fully into that life. Maybe we'll revisit that later, maybe not.

Taking away the "hope" seemed to take away the pressure. I've pretty much made peace with the idea of only having one child as far as what it means for my life. I have moments of sadness when DD is being particularly delightful, but they're fleeting. I try to focus on the good aspects - more vacations with DH, no more pregnancy, more money, no more sleep deprivation, no more reflux babies. None of this good really outweighs the lack of another child, but it's certainly a silver lining.

I admit, I'm having a LOT harder time making peace with the guilt I feel about DD being an only. I really haven't gotten there yet. But, given that I went from being miserable about not having another baby for myself to feeling mostly at peace with it, I'm hoping eventually the guilt will ease.

I will definitely not add to the chorus of "it could still happen." That is so unhelpful. What you need now is acceptance. In my experience, it wasn't until I let go of the wishful thinking that I was able to start making peace with it.

Good luck to you.  
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