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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH needs to stand up to his family. Obviously, his brother is a violent bully with a quick temper and physical aggression towards women. MIL doesn't help, is in epic denial and sees anyone (especially other women) who criticize her favorite son as part of the problem. This is bad mothering and bad grandparenting. The whole email thing is more common than you think. I have a friend (childless) who went through a very similar scenario with her MIL and BIL a few years back. DH was similarly reticent about standing up to mommy.

Stand your ground. With all due respect, it's time for DH to man up and protect you and the kids, OP: he's got to say "no" to his parents and siblings.

Tell DH that BIL never gets to see you or the kids again. Forget about the email list. Tell DH that MIL's visits will be limited to solo if that's what's needed to protect the kids from BIL. No, MIL won't like somebody saying "no" to her any more than she approves of anybody saying "no" to her "little boy" who grew up to bruise women. That's all nonsense because MIL and BIL are interfering with your ability to parent. You're trying to teach your kids nonviolent ways to resolve disputes, while MIL is dedicated to CYA about BIL's problems.

DH can see his family on his own. Like a grownup. MIL can stand back on mind her business or miss out on your children. Also, make sure you listen to what she tells them because she might say something undermining to your kids. DH should also tell MIL to back off and respect your parenting.

Stand your ground and protect your kids from BIL's temper and physical violence. 
[/quote]

This, all of it.  And if your DH and you need help/further support to stand up or cut things off, seriously consider going to a therapist.  This is a worthwhile issue to address.  If your ILs are really like this, your DH probably has all sorts of residual hurts from being parented by them.[/quote]

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