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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why are people offering advice to this simple-minded twit.  She's a loser and this thread is for the discussion of relationships - not for the venting of dumb asses who are too ignorant and ugly to be in a relationship.[/quote]

Hello OP, I'm an NP.

First off, re: posters like PP above... even for DCUM, I'm shocked at how nasty, petty, mean and abusive some of the posters in this thread are.  I don't know if it's latent prejudice against Arab-Americans, which is unacceptable, or just general chauvanistic nastiness, which is also unacceptable.  Either way, even for DCUM, it's horrible.

OP re: your situation, it really sounds like your fear of rejection is the source of most of what you are going through.  I know from experience, because I never felt like I was that afraid of rejection that it was actually affecting my perceptions and how I acted in public, how I made (or didn't make) relationships.  I had a different experience than you re: dating, but the root problem of being so afraid of rejection (stemming from parental issues, of course), that I was constantly only letting myself talk to people I'd never be attracted to, and keeping an unconscious distance from anyone who I might even remotely find attractive.

This is going to sound like awful advice to most people probably, but I really think it's the best advice I can offer you:  You need to start casually dating.

I was a virgin until much later than most women, and I also only wanted to date and get sexual with someone I was serious about.  But in my case and it sounds like in yours, all the expectations around that combined with your fears of rejection are paralyzing you.  Paralyzing your ability to feel attraction, to get close to anyone you like as more than a friend, etc.

You need to date casually.

You need to allow yourself (maybe with the support of your girl and guy friends) to walk up to someone in a social setting and strike up a conversation.  You need to do look online and have your friends shadow you (i.e. sit at another table nearby if you're deathly afraid of meeting s tranger for a date).  You need to BREAK THE ICE of dating, and have NO or VERY LOW expectations, so you don't blow the whole thing with overthinking it.  You need to just date.

Go online, and maybe even go out with someone you are very sure you're NOT attracted to.  Go out with someone who seems nice, and be honest that you're taking things slow and just see it as meeting up to get to know each other, but do it even if you don't think you'd ever be attracted.  Do it to get used to the social structure of dating, the experience of dating, the social cues, etc.

And while you do this, pay attention t your feelings.  If you want to run away, ask yourself why. Ask yourself what the feeling reminds you of, when else you've felt it.  Ask your friend how you look/seem when you are talking to a new guy.

I knwo you said this isn't about being gay, but would you ever consider also looking online and going on a date with a girl?  Again, be honest that you're still working this all out, but would you ever consider that as well?

Either way, go on a DATE With SOMEONE, break the ice of dating.  I think this will demystify some of this, lower the stakes a little (or a lot, which is really, really important), and give you a little more breathing room on this whole issue.

Lastly, BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF!  There is nothing wrong with you.  There most likely are some unresolved childhood issues affecting your self-perception and your ability to take chances, and you need to discover that stuff and work it through.  But you are fine, you will be fine. You just need some time and you are doing the right thing by asking others for perspective.  But don't beat yourself up.  Even if you start trying to date and it goes horribly wrong... look for the lessons in it.  Always ask yourself what you can learn about yourself from each experience.  It's a learning lab, and in a way there are no "wrong moves" (as long as you stay safe and don't take unnecessary safety risks).

Really wish you luck OP, it's a hard place to be in, and the older we get, the harder it gets to resolve it.  By the way, I did take my own advice, and dating and learning more about myself on dates, how men saw me when I was out socially (very different from how I thought I was seen), and just going on dates and noticing myself, and learning to quiet the deafening self-criticisms and fears I had... it all took time, but it was starting to try to date that got the ball rolling.  So I speak from experience! :)

Good luck, and please report back sometime!
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OP here. This was amazing. Thank you.[/quote]

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