Reply to You host family for dinner, who helps with the dishes?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There are some families where parents are expected to do everything until their children become adults and have families of their own.  Then as grandparents, they get to sit back and be taken care of, it is their recompense for having raised the middle generation to adulthood doing everything along the way.  They did their 20+ years of caring for the family and now that you are old enough to have a family of your own, you can return the favor of taking care of them for a few years.  Your MIL and FIL may have come from that perspective.

My MIL never raised a hand to help in the years we were married before children and even in the first year that the twins were born.  Finally last year when the twins were about a year old, she was planning on coming for a week at Christmas and asked what we needed/wanted.  The four of us had been sick as dogs and we had some personal issues (problems with work, etc) that was complicating our lives.  We finally told her that what we really needed was some rest and that we would appreciate it if she postponed her visit because we just were not up to hosting.  When she came to visit in the Spring, lo and behold, she actually cooked dinner for us twice during the week she visited, which was two times more than the previous 10 years of our marriage.  She also arranged for Supershuttle vans to bring her from the airport to our house so that I didn't have to take off time from work to pick her up and bring her to the house and then take her back to the airport.  I'm not sure what exactly my wife said to her, but she has been offering more support than before, not a lot, but we're very appreciative of any help that she offers.[/quote]

I'm glad things have been a little easier for you. I guess that my mil came from a similar set-up. It's hard for me to get because I can't imagine NOT helping (unless someone insists, but I always offer) and especially for someone who has a small child and is, as we all know, exhausted.  When I'm a grandma, I can't imagine sitting and asking for a glass of water from my harried children or children in laws when I'm perfectly capable of getting it myself. It just doesn't seem logical to me. 
Mom had no help when she had little kids so she helps me a lot because she knew how hard it was. Like I said before, I'm letting this go and not obsessing over it or letting it ruin my relationship with her.[/quote]

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