Reply to What is reasonable to ask of in-town family in terms of help with kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]OP here. Again, thanks for the reality check. This was an anonymous vent and it was helpful for me to see other perspectives, although it is not one that I grew up with.

Not that this makes a difference but MIL voluntarily moved to our neighborhood recently-- we didn't go move to hers.

Maybe this makes me a spiteful b*tch, but I will be honest and say that a less "helpful" MIL who is local makes me less likely to want to see her on the weekends/evenings when it is our family time. For example, DH always wants to invite her over for dinner during the week....which I cook with a 3 year old running around after work (and I also hate cooking). It drives me NUTS to have MIL show up on our doorstep at 6:30 asking "how she can help" when by that point, dinner has been prepped and cooked already.

As another S/O, I wonder if the dynamic is different if it was your own mom vs DH's mom. Given my new-found understanding of the dynamics, I will be loathe to ask MIL to do anything (unless it's a major emergency) and will ask DH to do it. If it were my own mother, the bar is much lower.[/quote]

This followup makes it sound like what you really want to control is how often and when *you* have to see your MIL. Since you don't want her to come for dinner or when you decide is family time, it would be a win-win for you if she were to pick up your child. You get free babysitting, you aren't impeding a relationship between grandmom and DD, and you don't have MIL around for dinner, when she won't "help" you.

Pretty manipulative if that's the case. If it isn't the case, then you are simply expecting too much. Your MIL is plenty old enough to initiate and manage a relationship with your DD. Don't ask for anymore and work on your obvious resentment.[/quote]

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