Reply to My husband told his parents that my job is disappearing

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[quote=Anonymous]I suggest that you and your DH come up with a joint strategy for dealing with the holidays. You need to talk to each other about how stressed each of you is (I am sure that you losing his job stresses him out although perhaps not quite as much as it stresses you out) and decide how best to navigate through what can be a difficult time of the year. Maybe you want to spend less time with your ILs this year than you usually do. Maybe he needs to have a private conversation with them before you see them.

The two of you also need to agree on a strategy before things get out of hand. My parents are difficult but I have a pretty thick skin so I ignore most of the cutting remarks. However, the first time my kids were old enough for my mother to start in on them I looked at her and said, "If you ever talk to my children like that again you will never see them again." Your probably do need to develop a thicker skin and your husband probably does need to step in a little more and set boundaries with his parents, but change doesn't happen over night. If you discuss before hand how to deal with this, and what would constitute a trigger for getting up and leaving, it will be easier for everyone.

My mother-in-law (may she rest in peace) used to complain about me all the time. I didn't bring the children to see her enough; I wouldn't let her stay at my house for weeks at a time; I took her son's attention away from her; I favored my mother over her; I didn't dress the children the way she would have; etc. I ignored the comments and my husband and I always had a good laugh after every visit.

You need to somehow get the mind set that you are both in this together and that the most important unit is the two of you. Once you have that other things start to roll off your back. Without that, your marriage is not going to be very strong. [/quote]

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