Reply to Husband still not working. What would you do?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DC is 3.  I can see how I am coming off as judgmental and what not from the way I am writing, but I'm coming here to vent and this is not how I talk to him.

I don't think supporting your husband for 3 years and standing by waiting for his business to make money is being "dismissive of his wants and needs". I've given him 3 years. This cannot go on and on and on. I think its reasonable that he should go in another direction and just find some kind of paying job.

What you don't understand is that I have tried many many times to approach him calmly and with understanding, and he just never can have any kind of conversation with me about anything without blowing up. I don't deserve to be yelled at or have to walk on egg shells every day of my life. He is making DC cry and get upset every time he does this. I have said I do not want to live in a life like this or have DC grow up in a house where there is always yelling. He apologizes, but nothing ever changes.

He literally gets into a rage mode where he is about to start throwing things (has done this), and is scaring the shit out of me and my son. Sometimes I wonder if it will escalate into something worse.

The more I think about this and type it out the worse I feel. I guess I can say that we need to go to counseling, and if he refuses then we'll have to separate.

But that is a whole other issue. He has made threats about how he would get DC, and I would not. That I should starting calling lawyers etc. I mean, WTF. I have never threatened to leave with our kid, or threatened divorce.

I'm starting to think maybe I should talk to a lawyer. I have no idea what is going through his head. The last thing I need is for him to try to take my child away from me. I mean seriously, do I need to go and file for custody before he goes and does something insane?
[/quote]

OP, frankly, your situation sounds like it's a lot more complicated than who has a job and who doesn't. You are afraid of your husband's anger. Your child is upset. Your husband uses your child to threaten you. This is not about a job. This is about a pattern of manipulation and abuse. I still think you should reexamine your attitudes about money and gender roles, but at this point, you are married to a man who has not worked in your child's entire life. He does a few days a week of childcare, but would not be able to support a household on his own. A judge is NOT going to give him sole custody unless there is something else going on that you are not telling us.

Counseling. Definitely for you, and ideally for you as a couple. If he is unwilling to go to counseling, separation. He can move in with him parents, since they're so supportive. If he values his family, he will figure out a way to make things right. He just is unaware (willfully or not) of how close he is to losing his family.[/quote]

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