Reply to Husband still not working. What would you do?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Husband still not working. What would you do? "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again. Maybe I am sexist. I'm a traditional person. I expect a man to be able to provide. I provide too. I don't expect to stay home. If he's unemployed for 1 year, fine, but 3+ years and no end in sight?? Yes, I am embarrassed. I do not know ANYONE who's husband has been out of work for 3+ years, and hasn't tried to find some kind of job.

I think he is depressed and this is contributing to it, but I also think he refuses to put his pride aside and just get ANY job to help contribute financially. He has his head in the sand and thinks everything will magically get better. I on the other hand have my eyes wide open and I know where we are financially. He doesn't even bother to ask. Maybe so he can still pretend everything is OK.

I cannot handle it alone, and I personally think he is trying to "build a business" so that he doesn't have to take a lower level job. its his excuse to not look. This business of his is not making any money and I don't see it happening ever. So yes I am pissed off and I am mentally breaking down. He does not communicate with me and closes down completely. Any time I try to talk about all of this shit, he just blows up at me like its world war III. Like I have no right to ask.

I feel completely alone in all of this. He refuses to talk to me, or think about trying something else, and just goes off to his room and looks at his iPhone all night. Its all so fucking depressing I can barely come up for air.

Its no way to live.[/quote]

OP, I'm the one who called you a sexist and honestly, I stand by that. But like the other PPs have mentioned, this is a decision that should be made together, as a couple. I understand your frustration that he has not found a job in 3 years.  But it sounds like he considers this "business" of his (which you have not described - is he trying to break into real estate? is he making cupcakes? what is it?) to be a job that he's found. Whether that's right or wrong is not up to me. It's also not totally up to you. But it should be a discussion that you are included in. To have that conversation with your husband, I would strongly advise that you move away from language of obligation ("I expect a man to be able to provide" for example is very different then "We are struggling financially and I feel like I am in this alone" - which of those things would YOU be more likely to want to discuss rationally?)

It does sound like he is depressed, though given the way you've talked about him on this thread, I'm not totally surprised that he blows up when you ask questions about this. You're coming off as entitled and judgmental and entirely dismissive of his wants and needs in this situation. You clearly need a break and some relief from being the person in charge of managing the family, and your husband should be stepping up to do that - not because it's his job as a man to provide for his family, but because you, his wife, are exhausted and need a break.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics