Reply to DH reluctant to socialize or participate in events involvong my family

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[quote=Anonymous]OP. YOu really really need some real friends OR a social worker to talk to. Im afraid your isolation has had a greater impact on you than you know, and it appears you do not see things that total strangers with just a little bit of info are seeing quite easily. This is not because people are jumping the gun, or because details are lacking. Its because the behaviors you chose to mention, all other things being equal, stand out as a huge red flag.

To be frank you also sound like you are depressed. There is a lack of anger or investigative zeal or any of the things all of us are immediately feeling upon reading of these behaviors. It looks like you are nOT thinking about yourself enough, and have just accepted a whole lot of unacceptable things. This sounds like depression. And that is bad.

OP, please go talk to someone on your own. Just saying this stuff out loud to a real person will do wonders for your clarity. You are isolating yourself, probably due to depression, and you are digging yourself a pretty deep pit here by believing that the one thing you would like is for him to be there with yoru famly. DH is an absentee dad. He is "checked out". He is NOT PRESENT. This is not acceptable and no amount of dinners with your parents would change that.

You are looking at one small symptom: socializing with family and ignnoring the CAUSE: Your DH is not with you emotionally.

Please dont just slip into a depression- this is one chance at life you have. Reclaim your identity as a person: get some therapy for yourself to understand why you have accepted this. Identify what you want to confront DH on and then do it.

Sorry to say OP its not normal for straight guys to support other guys with daily drinking and socialzing at gay bars. Its just not. Straight guys who love their friends do very little talking about problems, and its all about solving problems. Not wallowing in them or being all emotionally present for them. Its a gross generalization, but for good reason. I know you dont believe DH is gay, but really you have to understand very clearly that most closeted gay married men do way better job of hiding it. It can be hidden. Your DH is sending you a message of some sort that you are just not receiving.

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