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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here's what I've done in my marriage.  I've found things that I truly don't care about - the yard, the cat's litter box, anything having to do with maintaining our cars, all TV and technology related items - and I give DH responsibility for them.  If the lawn is waist high, don't care.  His problem.  If the cable goes out because something broke or the bill didn't get paid and I have to read books for the next year, don't care.  His problem.  If the cat's litter box is full and they poop right next to it, don't care.  I never go near the litter box, so I don't even notice.  At least in my husband's case, when he knows he's responsible for stuff and he knows no one is watching over him about when he does it or how he does it, he figures it out.  And if he doesn't and there is some consequence...don't care, his problem to fix it.

The key is I'm not pretending to not care.  I really and truly don't care.  It's liberating.  And I had to consciously think about and find these things to lighten my mental load of responsibilities.

Of course I have things I really do care about, and I take charge of them without resentment.

So...my advice...if you really care about something, do it yourself.  And if you find that you care about every little thing and your husband cares about nothing, try the above exercise and find stuff to truly let go of and let DH live with the consequences.[/quote]

Seems kind of condescending the way you describe it. Like roommates.

[/quote]

I can see that.  We're not just roommates though.  Definitely husband and wife and all that goes with it!  It was more a mental exercise for me to let go of things.  And it worked for me.  But all that said, my DH is a helpful and competent person.  So me letting go of these things did not equal disaster.

I think in many relationships, the wife can't let go of anything or has exacting specifications and the guy just gives up trying to do anything and there is a lot of resentment.  It's a toxic dynamic.[/quote]

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