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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom was a great mom but we aren't close. We are in each others lives and we keep in touch and connect on a superficial level but we aren't 'best friends'! We are like very friendly acquaintances. I don't mind her company. I don't ask her advice, or tell her my problems. I am much closer to my sister than my mother.

I don't think everyone really needs to be close to their mothers. It isn't a slight against my mother. We are two different people and as adults, I just don't really need her in life in a 'deep' way.
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+1[/quote]

Can you pinpoint why you are just "like very friendly acquaintances" instead of close? My mom is close to her mom, I am close to my mom, and it scares me that absent serious misbehavior on my part that my daughters and I still might not be close one day. [/quote]

NP here.  I am not very close to my mom.  We probably talk once a week.  I feel bad because she was generally a good mom - no abuse; she stayed at home, which gave us a lot of opportunities; and she was encouraging/supportive of all my activities.  But I think there are a combination of reasons for our lack of closeness.

I think part of it is that I subconsciously blame her for my parents' divorce.  I think I resent her for wanting to end the marriage and it has resulted in a less than perfect relationship.  (Therapy could maybe help with that part of things.)

She was also a very over-protective mom and that always caused fights.  Some of her rules created embarassing situations and that was hard for me as a young kid.

Another part of it is that we don't have a lot in common.  She doesn't understand a lot that I'm going through because our life experiences have been very different.   Our political views are also different and that leads to tension.

Finally, she raised me to be a strong, independent woman and now part of my independence is that I don't need my mom to help me through every little thing.  It also bothers me that I feel as though she is judging my decision to WOH.  She'll say little things to make me feel guilty, implying that I'm not doing what's best for my child.  She also questions our childcare arrangements.  Yet she was so proud of me getting an advance degree and for supporting myself before (and after) I got married.

But now that we have a DD, I'm very excited for her to be a grandmother.  I know she loves spending time with our DD and it makes me very happy to see them having fun and growing close.  I get excited for my mom to visit because I love seeing that relationship grow.  Unfortunately, this has not been enough to bring my mom and I any closer.   [/quote]

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